I had meant to write this post several months ago but just never managed to do it. Now it is nearly a year since our son Clayton's quad accident when he went home to be with the Lord.
Shortly after we had lost our son, I had written down on a note paper about all the things that we seen that clearly pointed to him.
So I am writing this now reflecting back over that time. It is hard not to have all these memories and thoughts going through my head as the first anniversary of his death draws near.
Everywhere we looked we seen you, our dear son.
Your school books laying on your bed, that you were working on that day, with your pencil neatly beside them.
The pile of trash in the back of the truck you cleaned out of that little shed so you could sleep out there this summer.
Down in the basement were your little seedlings you had started in planter pots, which later I transplanted out in the garden for you.
The items you wanted and had written on the shopping list on the fridge that we were to get for you the next day in town.
The shelve in the utility room where you kept all your goodies from pocket knives to pocket change, from hockey tape to hunting supplies.
And on the calendar for the month of June you had written in pencil on the 14th day, "My 15th B-day", which I found a couple weeks after you had passed on.
And the stuff you ordered on E-bay from China started arriving package by package with in a couple months.
Your clothes that went through the laundry.
Everywhere we looked, outside and in, we couldn't help but see you. Your psychical presence no longer with us, but there was much evidence of you still.
You always will be forever a real part of our lives.
You touched us with your amazing love and life for nearly 15 years, and you will always be in our memories and in our hearts.
Till we meet again.
And as I look back over this year, our first year with out our son, I see that is just the way it is with God too.
God is everywhere we look. He has been with me and my family every step of the way on the new journey we are on.
In my pain and sorrow He is there holding my hand. Giving me joy. Giving me peace.
Giving me the strength to keep going when I just don't feel like it.
Giving me hope that though we have lost our son from our home here, I know he is now in his forever home waiting on us.
Everywhere I look I see our Heavenly Father. His loving presence letting me know that He knows my hurts, He sees my tears, and He cares.
In the timely and caring words of a friend. And in my 3 month old sweetest smile during the time of my rawest grief. I would smile back at her through my tears and say, " You are just here for my joy aren't you"?
Nothing just happens to those who love Him, that I know for His Word tells me so, but all things work out for good who love Him and are called according to His purpose.
I still hurt like crazy some days, but I still know my God is with me and for me.
Even though we will never be the same again with our eight precious children here around us.
I know He makes no mistakes, and He called our dear son Home for a reason.
When I open His Word and longing read His Scriptures His love pours off the pages and into my heart.
I hear Him say, " I love you my child, and I have a great plan for you." I am right with you, for I will never leave you or forsake you."
~Lord help me to trust you more and leave everything in your caring and capable hands.
To you my reader, I don't know your story and what you may be going through right now, but I know my God and I know He is big enough to handle what ever it is.
He loves you and cares for you. If your heart is breaking He can heal it and help you through or around your problem, and give you peace and joy again.
If your marriage is broken he can help you resolve, or help you to move on. You don't have to remain broken. Let Him be your help.
He is our hope to restoration, new life, everlasting peace and joy. Call on Him today. He is waiting for you! His arms are open wide for you to run into them. So stop running from Him, and run into Him instead.
In Him, Mae
p.s. please feel free to contact me if you need someone to chat with or if you have any prayer request.
I am a wife to my wonderful husband, Paul, of over 22 years. Mommy to 9 blessings, ages 21 to 3 years. Our 2nd oldest son, at age 14, has gone on to be with the Lord on April 19th, 2017. I share about that new road we are on here on my blog.
My first 7 years of blogging.
Great inspirational reading!
"I believe a greater intimacy with God leads us to an inner peace, unquenchable joy, & an ever-lasting hope regardless of what we go through in life." Mae