Here is a video of the funeral service for our son Clayton who went to be with the Lord on April 19th, 2017.  A terribly sad moment for us. But the service was very nice, and was all we could wish for  our son, though we wish we would not have had to go through something like this. But we know God has a plan for us, and there was a reason for this. My constant prayer right after our son died was that, " If there is anyone who knows us who does not know the Lord, may this be the moment." And that is one reason I liked the funeral service so much is that the message really reflected that prayer of mine. I hope many were touched by the message. And many more who watch this video. If you do not have the Lord as your personal saviour yet, this is your moment! Don't put it off, you never know how much time you have left here on earth.
 In Him, Mae

I wrote this poem for Clayton's 12th birthday. It was read at his funeral by my good friend Chari.

Clayton
Our dear son here is a poem,
Just for you,
Cause we love what you do!
    
I have no clue,
What we’d do without you.
Who will mow the yard?
Or do the breakfast dishes so hard?
 
So you see,
Without you very unhappy we would be!
Cause we don’t like to mow
And we certainly don’t like to snow blow!
 
Your yummy chocolate cakes,
You so love to bake.
Well they are the best
Way above the rest!!
 
Your so cool,
How you can ride your bike with no hands!
If we had a mule,
I know you would ride him doing a handstand!
 
You find egots without even looking,
And you help with the cooking.
Yep, you're good at everything,
Even baby brother sitting!!
 
Thanks for helping to plant seeds,
And hoeing and tilling the weeds.
Picking the beans,
And shelling the peas.
 
This poem said we love you,
For all that ya do!
But especially for just being YOU!

​

   The other day I was out planting some things in Clayton's garden spot. He had started some pumpkin plants, peppers, and brussle sprouts in little potting containers in the basement under out light system we have set up down there. It was hard seeing so many of his things he was right in the middle of doing when we left us. Right off I knew that I would continue to care for his plants in the basement and make sure they got in his garden spot for him.
  So there I was in  his garden planting his pumpkins, brussle  sprouts, and peppers. As I dug the holes for the plants I could not help but talk to Clayton. I told him, "This is not the way we planned it. You were to be here planting your garden, not your mom in your stead. This is not the way it should be. This was not apart of the plan." Then these thoughts came in to my mind. "We have to remember though that sometimes our plans are not Gods plans. He has a better plan, even though it doesn't always at first glance  look that way. And no matter how much we want you back, I know that if this is His plan for us then we all can say is, Yes, to His will. But oh it hurts!"
  Yes, God's plans may not always look like ours. They may be way differnt, and not at all what we would have ever emangined or thoguht of for our family. But all we can say is, "We want your will Lord." And remmber that He will not give us for than we can handle, and he will never leave or forsake us.

 The will of God will not take us where the grace of God can not keep us.
In Him, Mae 

​
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.  Proverbs 3: 5-6

  May 19th, 2017 was my 38th Birthday. But it also marked one month since the tragic accident of our son Clayton. Things are a bit easier, and my pain some what less. And this past month has been busy with us getting back to school, and planting our garden, and such cause life must go on even if we wish sometimes it didn't. And life is never not busy with 7 busy children. But if I think of it much at all, it all comes pouring back.
 I can hardly believe that it has been a month already. But really a month is not long at all to have just lost a son. A son who had been so healthy, happy, and full of life one moment. And then the next moment, gone. GONE. FOREVER. It is hard to believe that it is even real. So many differnt emotions and feelings I have been experinceing. It's hard to put in words how I have been feeling.
  Most of the time I am glad and thankful that the Lord has helped me to stay so strong, and that I have not been over come with grief too much. And that I have not cried much. But other times I am upset at my self for not hurting more, and not weeping more over our great and tragic loss. I even feel somtimes there must be something worng with me that I can go on almost seemly unschathed ( atleast from the out ward apperacne ) when our son Clayton is gone. Never to be with us again, never to give me his big smiles, never to be out and about doing the things he loves. How can I even keep living since he is gone? But I have to and I am. And since I am I know my husband and children need me to keep strong, to be there for them, and to be happy too. I hope those around me see me as strong and grounded in the Lord even though I am grieving inside. Grieving, but not grieving as those with out hope.
 As time continues to go by I know God will contnue to give me the strengthe I need, and to lessen our pain, and to keep our hearts joyfull. Though right now I can not emagine how.
 In Him, Mae
 
​But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. 
 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.  1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

I first read, or mostly read anyway, the book by Steven Chapman  "Between Heaven and the Real World". In it he talked about the loss of their daughter. In the back of the book I seen  that his wife had written a book on their story too, "Choosing to See". So I quickly had my oldest son find and order it on Amazon for me. It arrived yesterday, and I immediately started devouring it.
 I can tell this will be a great read for me. Just what I needed about now. I even looked up her web-site and went to the contact page and sent her a message thanking her for writing the book and sharing her story.
 If you have been through the loss of a child as well, I am sure you would find it a blessing too.

Even though I can not understand why. Even though I have so many questions. Even though things just doesn't seem right or fair when some thing like this so tragic happens to family like ours.
 Yet I trust in God, knowing He knows and He cares. He knows all about how I feel, He knows my hurts, and my questions. He knows why. He knows best. And He knows the plans He has for us.  And I trust Him for that.
But it is so hard! Every day when I stop and think about it, it's hard. Really hard. Yet, I will say, "Yes to thy will". Because there is no other way I could manage. He is my only Hope.
 Yes, God is with us still. He never left His post. He never stopped loving and caring for us. I can feel His precence through my loving and caring friends and family. I hear Him speaking to me when I read my Bible, and through inspriational reading.  I know He has a plan for us that I can not see. And I trust Him for that.
 God is with us still! Amen!
In Him, Mae

  Most of you know already, but some you don't. That our second oldest son passed on to be with the Lord on April 19th, 2017. Clayton 14 years old, (just 2 months shy his 15th Birthday) died very suddenly and very tragically in a 4 wheeler accident. You just don't realize just how short life or the fragility of life can be till something like this happens. Here one moment and gone the next.
 Our friends and family rallied around us during our difficult time with tremendous love and support, and many, many prayers. I don't  know what we would have done with out them. They just showed up to be there for us and with us. We were over loaded with prepared meals and other food items form canned Tuna to fruit ( especially bananas) to coffee to tolit paper, not to mention a huge case of Kleenex, and games and crafts to occupy the children. Helping with house work and spending time with the children.
 The funeral was held on our local community hall here in Deadwood on April 25th, 2017. It was a very beutiful service. It started with an uelagy read about Clayton, a poem read by my close friend that I had written to Clayton on his 12th birthday, a slide show put to msuic of pictuers of Clatyon taken through out the years, and then a mesage of hope and the gospel, and invitation to come to the Lord. It was very specail and well done. My constant prayer since that tragic happening was, " If there is anyone who knows us who does not know the Lord yet, may this be the momnet." So it was so neat that the service was in the fasion it was. After the service at the hall we all went to the cementary for the gravesite service and us family stayed there till the grave was buried. The we went back to the hall for a lunchone. There was big crowd at the funeral, and was nice to see all the support we had in this. All of my brothers and my one sister was able to be there as well, and was the first time we were all togther in atleast 25 years. That was specail in its self.
 I would say our worst part of our grief is over, but that we of course will keep feeling things of and on for many years. These things are very hard on all the family members, and each one of us will feel differnt things and at differnt times. Especailly our 12 year old son Sam who found Clayton dead, and who has been so close with Clayton and shared a room with him. And then my husband who did CPR  all he could even though Clayton was gone already. You can only emagine what he was going through during that.
  I plan to blog about our experience and journey through this to encourage others that have also gone through the loss of a child. I will blog about things that are a help to me, and just thoughts or verses that God gives me. I know I am not alone in this, knowing many parents have also gone through the pain of losing a child, and that God is with us, loving us, and giving us His strength, peace, joy and comfort.

 It is here! My latest book project to bless and encourage mothers. Go to our book page to see how to buy a copy.