​Time Goes By

  May 19th, 2017 was my 38th Birthday. But it also marked one month since the tragic accident of our son Clayton. Things are a bit easier, and my pain some what less. And this past month has been busy with us getting back to school, and planting our garden, and such cause life must go on even if we wish sometimes it didn't. And life is never not busy with 7 busy children. But if I think of it much at all, it all comes pouring back.
 I can hardly believe that it has been a month already. But really a month is not long at all to have just lost a son. A son who had been so healthy, happy, and full of life one moment. And then the next moment, gone. GONE. FOREVER. It is hard to believe that it is even real. So many differnt emotions and feelings I have been experinceing. It's hard to put in words how I have been feeling.
  Most of the time I am glad and thankful that the Lord has helped me to stay so strong, and that I have not been over come with grief too much. And that I have not cried much. But other times I am upset at my self for not hurting more, and not weeping more over our great and tragic loss. I even feel somtimes there must be something worng with me that I can go on almost seemly unschathed ( atleast from the out ward apperacne ) when our son Clayton is gone. Never to be with us again, never to give me his big smiles, never to be out and about doing the things he loves. How can I even keep living since he is gone? But I have to and I am. And since I am I know my husband and children need me to keep strong, to be there for them, and to be happy too. I hope those around me see me as strong and grounded in the Lord even though I am grieving inside. Grieving, but not grieving as those with out hope.
 As time continues to go by I know God will contnue to give me the strengthe I need, and to lessen our pain, and to keep our hearts joyfull. Though right now I can not emagine how.
 In Him, Mae
 
​But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. 
 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.  1 Thessalonians 4:13-14