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I had meant to write this post several months ago but just never managed to do it. Now it is nearly a year since our son Clayton's quad accident when he went home to be with the Lord. Shortly after we had lost our son, I had written down on a note paper about all the things that we seen that clearly pointed to him. So I am writing this now reflecting back over that time. It is hard not to have all these memories and thoughts going through my head as the first anniversary of his death draws near. Everywhere we looked we seen you, our dear son. Your school books laying on your bed, that you were working on that day, with your pencil neatly beside them. The pile of trash in the back of the truck you cleaned out of that little shed so you could sleep out there this summer. Down in the basement were your little seedlings you had started in planter pots, which later I transplanted out in the garden for you. The items you wanted and had written on the shopping list on the fridge that we were to get for you the next day in town. The shelve in the utility room where you kept all your goodies from pocket knives to pocket change, from hockey tape to hunting supplies. And on the calendar for the month of June you had written in pencil on the 14th day, "My 15th B-day", which I found a couple weeks after you had passed on. And the stuff you ordered on E-bay from China started arriving package by package with in a couple months. Your clothes that went through the laundry. Everywhere we looked, outside and in, we couldn't help but see you. Your psychical presence no longer with us, but there was much evidence of you still. You always will be forever a real part of our lives. You touched us with your amazing love and life for nearly 15 years, and you will always be in our memories and in our hearts. Till we meet again. And as I look back over this year, our first year with out our son, I see that is just the way it is with God too. God is everywhere we look. He has been with me and my family every step of the way on the new journey we are on. In my pain and sorrow He is there holding my hand. Giving me joy. Giving me peace. Giving me the strength to keep going when I just don't feel like it. Giving me hope that though we have lost our son from our home here, I know he is now in his forever home waiting on us. Everywhere I look I see our Heavenly Father. His loving presence letting me know that He knows my hurts, He sees my tears, and He cares. In the timely and caring words of a friend. And in my 3 month old sweetest smile during the time of my rawest grief. I would smile back at her through my tears and say, " You are just here for my joy aren't you"? Nothing just happens to those who love Him, that I know for His Word tells me so, but all things work out for good who love Him and are called according to His purpose. I still hurt like crazy some days, but I still know my God is with me and for me. Even though we will never be the same again with our eight precious children here around us. I know He makes no mistakes, and He called our dear son Home for a reason. When I open His Word and longing read His Scriptures His love pours off the pages and into my heart. I hear Him say, " I love you my child, and I have a great plan for you." I am right with you, for I will never leave you or forsake you." ~Lord help me to trust you more and leave everything in your caring and capable hands. To you my reader, I don't know your story and what you may be going through right now, but I know my God and I know He is big enough to handle what ever it is. He loves you and cares for you. If your heart is breaking He can heal it and help you through or around your problem, and give you peace and joy again. If your marriage is broken he can help you resolve, or help you to move on. You don't have to remain broken. Let Him be your help. He is our hope to restoration, new life, everlasting peace and joy. Call on Him today. He is waiting for you! His arms are open wide for you to run into them. So stop running from Him, and run into Him instead. In Him, Mae p.s. please feel free to contact me if you need someone to chat with or if you have any prayer request. This blog post is both in written and video form. I am just getting use to doing video blog posts so not as comfortable at it as I could be. But as they say practice makes perfect! :) Enjoy! And be encouraged! We need to be firmly rooted in Christ so we are ready for what ever comes our way. In our selves we can never prepare or be ready for a tragedy. For instance nothing we could do would ever make us ready or prepare us to experience the loss a child. Nothing. Only being firmly rooted in Christ can we do that. Being constant in God's Word. Having a close prayer life, ect... can prepare and equip us and keep us strong when our world falls apart and tragedies strike.
Yes, Christ is our solid rock, and in Him we can stand! But outside of Him we will surely fall. In Him, and Him alone, we can weather the storms of life. Through Him, in Him, and because of Him ,whatever happens or comes our way in life, we are ready!! As Psalms 112:7 -8 says, "He shall not be afraid of evil tidings; His heart is fixed, trusting in the Lord. His heart is established. He shall not be afraid.... And what I love about those verses is what they say when you personalize them. I shall not be afraid of evil tidings; my heart is fixed, trusting in the Lord. My heart is established. I shall not be afraid.... Wow, that is powerful stuff isn't!! I will close with the verses from Isaiah. Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: Because he trusteth in thee. Trust ye in the Lord for ever: for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength. Isaiah 26:3-4. And verses from Isaiah 43:1-7. 1 But now thus saith the LORD that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. 2 When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. 3 For I am the LORD thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour: I gave Egypt for thy ransom, Ethiopia and Seba for thee. 4 Since thou wast precious in my sight, thou hast been honourable, and I have loved thee: therefore will I give men for thee, and people for thy life. 5 Fear not: for I am with thee: I will bring thy seed from the east, and gather thee from the west; 6 I will say to the north, Give up; and to the south, Keep not back: bring my sons from far, and my daughters from the ends of the earth; 7 Even every one that is called by my name: for I have created him for my glory, I have formed him; yea, I have made him. Beautiful, beautiful verses of God being with us and for us in the midst of our deep sorrows and troubles, and enabling us to keep strong and to keep going. Only in God! In Him, Mae
Here is fun interview I just recently did with my oldest son. I share where my heart and passions are, and what God has been doing in our lives. What we have been doing since our loss, and more. It was fun to make, and I hope you have fun watching it. Enjoy!! In Him, Mae
Here it is down to 8 more weeks till the retreat!! I am really looking forward to it!
Now is the time to register for this very special event. So far we have no one registered, and unfortunately if we do not get 20 ladies committed to go by Feb. 9th, we will have to cancel. so we want to see so registrations coming in really soon! Or at least let us know you are interested in coming. This little face book video below will give you all the info on that. And tells you about our special book give-away to the first 20 ladies that register. I made it over on mt face book retreat page. For all the details and to register for the retreat please go to the retreat page here on my web-site. If you are in the area, and this is something you feel would be a blessing to you, then please plan on attending. I look forward to seeing you there! God bless! In Him, Mae
This is something I had written a few months ago. But I just now got it ready to past here on my blog. It recaps that awful day in April when our world was turned upside down. This will also be in the book I hope to write this summer.
April 19th, 2017 The day that I will always remember. The day that changed our lives forever. It started out normal enough though, just like any other day. Beautiful spring day, pleasant enough temp, not really a warm day, but great for a spring day though. Paul went to help someone build something that he had been doing for a few days. Most of the children and I were busy doing school work all morning. Sam went off to the Rosary school where he had him enrolled this year instead of homeschooling. By lunchtime, Clayton was all done with his school, though I still had to work with the girls. I took a little nap, then got up and put the girls back to their school. Then when there was a bit of a break I worked on my book on my laptop. I was nearing the completion of my little gift book for moms. So I would work on it any chance I had and was looking forward to the next day when Pual and I would be going to Peace River for our dentist appointments so that I could take the laptop and finish working on it, and then that evening I had planned for Nathan to upload it to Blurb so that it would be ready to sell. I would buy my proof copy. And then advertise it for Mother's Day. I thought I just had time to get it ready for Mother's Day if I could keep working diligently. While I was on the laptop working on my book, Clayton came in from being outside and announced he was going out to look for wild ducks over by the dugout in our little section of trees. Glancing up from my work I replied, "Oh good, go ahead." I liked it that he had found something to occupy his time till Sam got off the bus at 4:30. That had been one thing that wasn't so nice for him since Sam had been enrolled in school. After Clayton got done with his school there was quite a block of time where he had no one to do something with, and he always waited for Sam to arrive. I tried finding him some hobby or past time to help fill his time. He mostly would read books in his room, or just go out and walk around looking for something to do, sometimes he would fiddle in the shop on his lathe where he enjoyed making things. Early springtime is a bit tough that way because the snow and ice are gone making the normal winter activities no longer possible, yet not nice enough for a lot of other outdoor activity and to early for getting in the garden. Clayton did enjoy gardening and always had his own garden plot. And he had already started different plants in the basement like brussels sprouts, peppers, and pumpkins. He also recently had been cleaning out an old building that he had plans of camping out in this summer. So when Clayton announced he was heading out to look for ducks early afternoon. I was happy for him and wished him off. If he told me he was taking the 4 quad I missed that detail. I assumed he was walking, and that I can remember I do not recall hearing it start up and head out. This evening right after Sam arrived off the bus we planned for their friend Tanner to come for a while with his Mom ( my good friend Chari who lives just a couple miles down the road). Clayton would look forward to having Tanner over latter. Between working on my book, and helping the girls with school the afternoon sped by. I tidied up the house a bit, got some cookies out of the freezer, and put some water on to get hot for tea to have when Chari arrived. I had supper planned with deer ribs boiled and just ready to put in the oven later with barbeque sauce and had potatoes cut up and in a pot ready to boil. At 4:30 Sam got home, and then shortly after Chari drives in with Tanner and Kara. Sam comes in the house to ask me where Clayton is, so I tell Sam that he went off in the woods, probably would be over by their fort by now. So they go over that way to look for him. They did not find him, so then they just went off to play by themselves. They spent some time over in the cow fence checking out our new calf. Chari and I had tea together, and then we decided we would go for a walk since it was a nice pleasant day, one of our better days yet. We talked and walked down the road aways, then came on back. All this time we assumed that they had found Clayton, or that Clayton had come back on his own and had joined them out in the cow fence. We came back in the house for awhile, then Chari decided that she better head back and get their supper. Soon as she left I dug into finishing ours. I turned on the potatoes to boil. Paul came back. And Sam came in from where he had been. Sam wondered if Clayton was back. I told him I had assumed he was out playing with them, but he said, "No, we didn't see him the whole time, he wasn't at the tree house either. At that, we all began to wonder why he was not back yet because now it had been a few hours since he had left out, but still, we were not worried. Just wondering. Paul told Sam to toot the van horn to call him. Sam did that and then he also wanted to run out there and look for him again, this time going over further to the dugout. So off he goes. Only a few minutes later he comes bursting in the door nearly out of breath yelling, "Clayton is stuck under the 4 wheeler, and he's not moving, I think he is dead." ( he said later he had been hollering most of his way back to the house, but we didn't hear him.) Paul was sitting on the couch using his laptop and talking on the phone at the time, and I was in the kitchen. I start yelling, " Hurry you guys, go see what is wrong." Paul hangs up the phone, nearly throws his laptop on the floor, grabs his coat and runs out the door in his croaks following Sam and Nathan. I holler at them, "What do you want me to do?" But no one responded, they had only one thing on their mind; rush as fast as they could to Clayton because something was bad wrong. The little children and I obediently start praying in earnest. Then I grab the phone and run out over near the cow fence looking in the direction I saw them go, not knowing what was going on. From the cow fence, I hollered if I should call 911. Then I walked back towards the house and phoned my mom, and told her all I knew so far about Clayton, and she said she would start praying and phone other families as well. I believe I quickly called Chari as well. About then I hear Sam hollering for to me to call 911. So I quickly dial 911. And start to explain out was going on and how much I knew of what happened. When Sam had come rushing into the house earlier I had thought that I heard him say that Clayton was pinned under a tree, so that is what I passed on the 911 attendant. So when they arrived they came with a chainsaw. She kept me on the line for awhile asking our land location, which I had to run out to the end of our driveway to tell her, and as much info as I knew so far. During the time I was on with her, Paul, Nathan, and Sam came back. That is when I found out that Clayton was indeed dead. The 911 attendant was just asking if I knew Clayton lastest condition and so Paul took over and told her while he was breaking down crying. That is when I started crying too for the first time. Then Paul rushed back to be with Clayton, while Sam and Nathan stayed behind to guide the emergency men out when they came. The 911 lady said I could hang up then. Emedeintly then I phoned Chari and told her, so she said her husband Chirs would come over and go out to the woods to be with Paul while we waited for the emergency crew. She asked me if I needed her to come be with me, but I said I was fine.Then I phoned my mom back and told her we had lost Clayton, and of course, we start crying together. Chirs came soon after I talked to Chari, and ran with Sam out to Pual. He joined Paul is his effort to do CPR on Clayton even though he was gone already. Paul had been doing CPR went they first went out there. They, of course, were praying that God give him life again if it was His will. While waiting for the Emergency to arrive, I was just talking with and consoling the children, plus finishing our supper so that they could eat. They did not feel like eating. But I ate some even though I did not either, just because I knew I needed too. I knew I needed to take care of my self and I thought we may be heading out soon. I did not know what all would be taking place. Calls starting coming in from some of my family, and from Chari again making sure I was ok, and telling me she had her church praying, and asked again if I needed her to come. Again I told her no. ( I did not know how hard it was for her not to be here with me.) The ER crew arrived, maybe within 30 to 40 minutes after I phoned, and Nathan led them out there. Then after they had been here awhile, an officer came to talk to me. To explain what was going on. And did announce to me that Clayton was now pronounced dead. That didn't really hit me worse because we did already know that. She explained what to expect, what would happen next, ect.. Plus she said victim services would arrive soon, and they would come in and talk to me and explain more. They arrived soon and she met them outside to discuss some things out there with them, and then they all came in the house, the officer and the 2 ladies form victim services. The one lady I knew pretty good and was happy to see her. I had no clue it would be someone I knew. The other one was an older lady I never met before, but she was really sweet and understanding, and quickly took 3-month-old Rebecca out of my arms to hold for me. Rebecca did well with her. Then they proceeded to discuss things with me, and what would happen next, and what we would need to take care of in the next few days like funeral arrangements and such, as well as what would take place with his body. It would be taken out to Edmonton first for autopsy and then to Peace River to the funeral home. They would contact was when he was brought to the funeral home, so we could go there and set up the funeral plans. She told me she would be in contact with different ladies for meal arrangements for the next few days. What a blessing to hear that. After they had been here awhile discussing things then Chari arrived. She walked into our livingroom quoting a Bible verse ( The Lord is my strength and refuge ) and announced to me that she did not listen to me but came on over anyway. And I was glad she did! I had just been thinking that I should have told her to come on over. We hugged and shed some tears together. It was nice to have her with me. I did not have any of my family there at the time. She stayed late till everyone else had left, and put the girls to bed for me including saying prayers with them. What a blessing. And she said she would be back int he morning about 10:00 or so. The next morning she did come back, as well as 2 other of my friends came too. They came to be with me and to play with and entertain the children. What a blessing that us. Also, a friend of Paul's pulled in our driveway at 7 A.M. He knew that was chore time and that Paul and the boys would soon be out to milk the cow and goat, as well as chicken chores. So he was there to lend a hand, and just be there for support. How nice is that! We were absolutely covered with people who loved and cared and supported us in this very difficult time. In the days that followed we were brought meals ready to serve, plus several freezer meals, loads of dinner buns, and all kinds of baked goodies. We were brought all kinds of snack items, fruit ( especially bananas ), boxes of soup and mac and cheese, coffee, and many basic grocery items. We were tremendously thought of and blessed by many, many people!!!
I find these verses in Isaiah 43 to be so precious, and comforting. So I will share these here for you too.
1 But now thus saith the LORD that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. 2 When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. 3 For I am the LORD thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour: I gave Egypt for thy ransom, Ethiopia and Seba for thee. 4 Since thou wast precious in my sight, thou hast been honourable, and I have loved thee: therefore will I give men for thee, and people for thy life.a 5 Fear not: for I am with thee: I will bring thy seed from the east, and gather thee from the west; 6 I will say to the north, Give up; and to the south, Keep not back: bring my sons from far, and my daughters from the ends of the earth; 7 Even every one that is called by my name: for I have created him for my glory, I have formed him; yea, I have made him. Isaiah 43:1-7 Please feel free to share this with any one you know who would be blessed by this event. Only 4 months to go, and we want to bless as many ladies as possible! Please go to the retreat page for all the details.
I just can't help but reminisce about my awesome, good-looking son of ours. God blessed us with Clayton for nearly 15 years. He will always be a big part of us. Tomorrow now it will be 6 months that he has left our home and went to be with the Lord. This time last year I was taking him ( Clayton ) out hunting about every other morning, and then again in the evenings, as well some days. He loved deer hunting and last fall of 2016 he manged to get us 3 deer. He was pretty pleased with him self! He would get up early and do some school work,. Then we'd eat breakfast, and hurry out when it was just coming light and go to his favorite spot and look for deer. We made different of those trips with no luck, but he was determined just the same and on other other occasions we did better! We would drive in at our spot bumping along over the field ruts on our way. Him scanning the tree line and ridges in the field on the out-look for deer, and me holding my big growing stomach with one hand and steering with the other. I did not exactly enjoy it, being a good 6 months pregnant with our newest baby. But some how I was o.k with it, and it was a nice time just the same all in all. A new day would come and he would be all smiles and like, "Ready to go hunting mom?" I would reluctantly say, "I guess so." And off we would go again. I did not enjoy it as much as he did. But am I ever glad and thankful for those memories now. I guess God knew what it would mean to mean later. He would see a deer, and if we were driving, I would quickly stop, h'ed jump up standing on the seat and out of the window, hold his gun out across the truck roof take aim, and shoot! What a kid!! What a hunter! Other times we would just sit in the truck together talking while we waited for a deer to come in to view. Then when we were done, depending where we were in the field if he felt that I was not as good at navigating out way out again he would offer to drive us. And so we would change places and off we would go, with me holding my stomach even more so! :) I was trying hard to be a lot more careful. But all so good of memories now!
How awesome we serve a loving and merciful God! He hears our cries, feels our heart aches, and delivers us from all our troubles and sorrows!! He gives us comfort. He gives us peace. He is full of compassion and full of mercy! There is no god like our God! Praise the Lord!
No matter what we are going through in life He is greater than all our problems. Lets turn to Him, and trust Him. And rest in Him. He is on duty! In Him, Mae |
Meet Mae
I am a wife to my wonderful husband, Paul, of over 22 years. Mommy to 9 blessings, ages 21 to 3 years. Our 2nd oldest son, at age 14, has gone on to be with the Lord on April 19th, 2017. I share about that new road we are on here on my blog. Categories
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My first 7 years of blogging.
Great inspirational reading! "I believe a greater intimacy with God leads us to an inner peace, unquenchable joy, & an ever-lasting hope regardless of what we go through in life." Mae Archives
December 2023
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